I woke up this morning lying in the middle of a snow bank staring at a pile of snow that used to be my igloo, my little naked harem of three-breasted six-nippled ladies strewn about me. The last thing I remember was me and my little harem enjoying some post-coitus melted snow with some baked potatoes. The igloo filled with a most noxious odor as my lady friends commenced to farting like a string of volcanoes. I made the mistake of lighting a match so that I could see my way to the door to escape the terrible odor and the next thing I know I’m laying out here in the open.
It looks like my global cooling suggestion has taken hold, though, because all of the colorful little people are walking around in bikinis. They’re diving into the snow as though it were an ocean abutting a tropical beach. Some of them are throwing discus-like objects while others are catching them. Some are doing the dirty deed right out in the open, but most importantly they all seem to be eating potatoes. It doesn’t feel any warmer, so it’s all in their heads. To think that they actually believe that the lot of them could possible create a big enough carbon footprint to effect the entire atmosphere! Their like sheep. It’s a good thing they don’t have the internet or they’d figure out the practical joke that’s being played on them.
All-in-all, though, they’re a smart lot. It’s a shame that they aren’t yet civilized. Oh, sure, they’ve figured out how to live in peace and harmony. They seem to have an economy and trade and industry. But they haven’t even yet figured out which ones should be discriminated against. With a choice of four different colors you’d think that they’d at least figure that part out by now!
I’m thinking that since I”m the only pinkish colored man on the whole planet, that it should be me that gets the most votes, but what fun would it be to discriminate against only one?
I was thinking, perhaps, the little brown men would be the best choice. After all, since I seem to be the only one here who has knowledge of things such as discrimination, and since I come from a place, the United States of America, where brown seems to be the first preference for discrimination, I could bring a whole array of colorful verbiage and stereotypical prejudices to the party with little effort at all.
The fewest in color appear to be the Red ones. They are far outnumbered by the rest. But truth be told, their rather nice and I find the females of the color Red to be quite attractive. Most of the red females have large breasts, even if they have three apiece and twice as many nipples. And when it comes to legs, well let’s just say Betty Grable had nothing on them. Perhaps I could label them as sluts and steer them into promiscuity, but then again, with the whole planet fornicating like it’s their last day on Mars, it probably wouldn’t stick. I could lead them to believe that keeping up with the latest fashions and becoming anorexic is the trendy thing to do.
But I gotta tell you the little Yellow ones sorta creep me out. Furthermore, the Yellow ones seem to be the most industrious and wealthiest of all of the little men, as a whole I mean, so they may pose a threat to my implementation of the most necessary of necessities for a prosperous civilization. Exploitation. And these Yellow ones already have one mark against them as they seem to have a very unpopular religion in which they worship an unpopular God and they appear to be rather devout. Why I could plaster them all with six pointed stars, or tattoo numbers on their arms, and there is no way that they could separate themselves from their appointed destiny.
And afterwards, we could throw them into concentration camps and take all of their stuff and divvy it up among the rest of us!
Oh, but I suppose that’s been done to death already.
(Just watched La Rafle. Makes you want to go back in time and exterminate some evil people)
But then again, I don’t have to divvy up their stuff according to color. I could simply tax the crap out of the hardest working ones and give it to the laziest ones and line my pockets at the same time! I’ll give everyone in the community the right to vote other peoples wealth into their own pockets. I’ll give it a fancy name, like “The Fairness Act” or “The Act of Contrition” or some such fair-minded nonsense! They won’t know what’s hit them until the train has left the station. I shall call this government of mine “Democracy”.
Well, of course, I may be a bit presumptuous in declaring myself their leader so quickly, but I have a pretty good inside track on this government corruption subject too. They don’t know anything about lobbyists or PACs or bribes or nepotism yet, nor cronyism or double talk or promising everything and giving them nothing. They haven’t read Hobbs or Rousseau or Locke, so they’re all in the dark. I’ll get these sheep so’s their so busy playing video games and worshiping sports heroes and pop stars that they won’t notice what’s going on around them
They don’t know what’s in their best interest, so I guess it’s up to me to tell them. It does, after all, take a village.
I hate to cut short my post, but I have a lot of work to do if I’m going to civilize these little people.
I hate to cut short my post, but I have a lot of work to do if I’m going to civilize these little people.