Well, in light of the total destruction of my little igloo home (raised through no fault of my own) the good people of Mars are building me the grandest igloo of all on the planet. They've got nearly one hundred thousand of their best tradesman shaping this enormous structure out of blocks of snow and ice. It’ll be white, of course, and modeled after that famous building in Washington D.C. known as the “White House”. I promised kickbacks to all of the ranking members of society along with retirement benefits for all in this world in exchange for building this little cottage of mine. I don’t know yet where the money will come from. I've modeled the system after the Social Security System and the congressional budget in general. But I suppose both of these systems will work themselves out in the end.
Otherwise why would the greatest minds of the day allow it?
The Martian’s don’t know it yet, but I've got all kinds of things planned for them. On top of social security, I’m going to give them food and milk for all newborn children (Lord knows with all of the fornicating going on, they’ll be needing that) and welfare for anyone who cannot or does not wish to contribute to the economy any longer (this should garner me a lot of votes) and free healthcare too. And I’m going to give them tax refunds even if they can't pay any taxes and free cell phones…and…I’m gushing…my heart is bursting…with generosity.
Of course taxes will have to go up a bit to pay for all of this.
And, as I haven’t officially been elected yet, I’m still doing a bit of presuming, but with all that I’m giving them, and the fact that I don’t currently have any opposition, I will be a shoe-in. There is, though, the birther issue…that is to say that since I wasn’t born here I don’t have the legal right to be elected to sanitation commissioner let alone president…but I think with a little printing ink, and a good back-story, I should be able to get over that little bump in the road.
Well, my mind is a tornado of ideas right now and I don’t know quite where to begin. I almost need a vacation from office already and I haven’t yet accepted the nod.
So, until next time…Erin go Broke…er I mean Bragh!