“Sir, a terrible thing has happened. A student at one of our schools has slashed two dozen students.”
That’s terrible Ablo. Ready Mars-force-One. We need to visit the site and demonstrate our compassion.
“Already done sir, step outside and climb aboard.”
How’s about a little drink to settle our nerves Ablo.
“Look down their sir…that’s one of our kitchen knife manufacturing plants.”
There ought to be a law Ablo.
“A law sir?”
This is a terrible thing. What do you suppose would lend a young Martian to do such a thing?
“It’s probably the bullying sir. We need to do something about the bullying.”
Ablo…I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. I think we need to take all of the kitchen knives away from these people so that this never happens again.
“But won’t the bullies just make their own kitchen knives”
It’s possible Ablo, but we have no control over what the bullies do, so let’s take the kitchen knives away from every citizen on this planet so that this never happens again.
“But then how will we cut our potatoes sir?”
You have a point Ablo…we’ll keep our kitchen knives…we’ll just take them away from the people.
“How will the rest of our planet cut up their potatoes?”
They’ll just have to use forks.
“What if the bullies get their hands on the forks and start stabbing people with forks?”
Dammit Ablo…we’ll just have to take away their forks too. Let them eat their potatoes with spoons.
“We’ve landed sir.”
Quick Ablo…put on your compassionate face and let’s take advantage of this situation. Use the bullhorn to announce my presence.
“Ladies and gentlemen…you’re future supreme leader.”
“Help me…I’ve been stabbed…I’m bleeding.”
There…there...every things going to be alright young lady. We’ll have that arm sewed back in a jiffy.
“Help me…someone’s cut off my jibblies.”
That’s terrible young man…for Gorks sake...get someone to sew this boy's jibblies back on immediately.
"Way to take charge sir."
Ablo...let's put an end to this now! We must end the carnage.
Listen up Ablo. Send our troops out immediately…I want them going door to door to every house on Mars.
We’ll rid this planet of every kitchen utensil if it’s the last thing I do. I don't care if people have to eat their potatoes with their bare hands.
"That's barbaric sir."
Nothing is more barbaric than letting people have kitchen utensils Ablo. Nothing is more barbaric than having young boys get their jibblies cut off. Bullies don't kill people...knives do!